Fatigued and anxious as an autistic in an “anti-autism” world, was a statement I stumbled over, which was met mostly with “eat more” advice despite no appetite, so I wondered if there isn’t anything else an autistic person can do to reenergise themselves. The following is the result of my analysis.
Read more: How Autistic People Can Regain Energy in an ‘Anti-Autism’ World
The Suppressed Needs of An Autistic Person
Autism is a neurodevelopmental spectrum characterised by differences in perception, communication, and behaviour. A person is considered autistic if two criteria are met: (1) there are clinically significant differences in social communication and interaction, and (2) there are restricted or repetitive patterns of behaviour, interests, or activities that have been present since early development. For example, this can manifest as persistent challenges with reciprocal conversation, nonverbal communication (like eye contact, gestures, tone), and building or maintaining relationships, alongside strong routines, intense interests, or repetitive movements. A formal diagnosis is only made when these traits are strong enough to significantly interfere with daily life quality.
Typical needs that tend to be stronger in autistic people include predictability and routine, clear communication, lower sensory load, and sufficient recovery time. If those needs are not met, stress builds up quickly. Typical pain points can include sensory overload (noise, bright lights, crowded places), difficulties with unstructured social demands, challenges in interpreting implicit expectations, and fatigue from masking or overcompensating. These drain energy and can leave an autistic person constantly fatigued and even without appetite.
Let Me Tell You About Myself
Why did this topic pique my interest? I’ll be upfront: I do not identify as autistic, although like many people I share some traits commonly associated with autism. My perspective comes from my work as a mental‑health aware mentor guiding high‑achievers toward a needs‑aligned life. I have worked with individuals on both ends of the emotional spectrum—from those highly anxious and overwhelmed by strong emotions to those experiencing alexithymia and feeling disconnected from emotions.
My approach is not based on mainstream self-help advice, but on a systemic psychological framework I developed: the HD-12. It is not just based on theoretical scientific insights, but also on my extensive experience in leadership positions, observing people from different cultures, disciplines, gender, personality, and across varying contexts. The model describes typical functioning as well as maps mental conditions listed in the DSM.
While I do not claim lived autistic experience, I draw on this professional lens to contribute structured insights.
12 Levers of Human Behaviour
The Human Diamond model says, “A person reacts to a circumstance according to what shaped them in life.”
It outlines 12 levers of human behaviour that can be used to understand, predict, and influence development.
| Reaction | Circumstance | Shape | Life |
|---|---|---|---|
| Intel | World | Stances | Biology |
| Strategy | Framework | States | Environment |
| Execution | Interactions | Skills | Experience |
We can influence a person’s development—our own or those whom we lead—by pulling those levers. For example, imagine a person who values considerate behaviour (Stance) but finds themselves in a Circumstance where people act inconsiderately—whether in an elbow‑society (World), a competitive job (Framework), or under a boss who humiliates employees daily (Interaction).
They first gather Intel: observing the situation through the lens of their Stances, shaped by their cultural background (Environment). This interpretation may trigger a State of distress, perhaps amplified by earlier trauma (Experience). Faced with stakes that matter to them, they want to act. If they have the Skills to calm stress or assert boundaries, they can form a Strategy to handle the situation. In Execution, they apply those Skills, for example in the concrete Interaction with their boss; if the outcome diverges from what they expected, they adjust their Strategy or seek additional Intel.
This cycle illustrates how all levers may connect in practice.
How Autistic People Can Improve Their Life Quality
Every person is different, and some aspects of a person cannot be changed, but many can be adapted. Here is what I think autistic people can experiment with to improve their life’s quality. In a first step, we need to understand where the energy gets drained. Here are the Human Diamond levers I think are worth having a look at.
| HD Lever | What It Is | Why It Might Be Relevant For Autism | Questions to Ask Yourself |
| World | The larger context and culture in which a person lives. | Social norms and cultural expectations may pressure autistic people into behaviours that feel unnatural. | Do I feel pressured to act a certain way just because “everyone else does”? |
| Framework | The immediate structures and systems (workplace, school, household rules). | Autistic people may struggle if their environment is chaotic, unpredictable or not aligned with their sensory or structural needs | Does my current job, home, or daily structure support my needs or constantly drain me? |
| Interaction | How you interact with the world, like the people you deal with, the tasks you do etc. | Misunderstandings, unspoken rules, or high-demand interactions can cause overwhelm. | Which interactions drain me the most? Which leave me feeling understood? |
| Stances | Typical positions, postures, and orientations a person holds physically, cognitively, and emotionally. | Protective stances (e.g. “I may not stim” or “I have to always fit in”) may put pressure on us. Another example is the stance “I must never inconvenience anyone,” which can lead to self‑silencing and negative states of chronic tension or shutdown. | Have I become my own biggest enemy? |
| States | Momentary moods and physiological arousal levels. | Autistic people may shift rapidly between anxious, calm, or shutdown states. State shifting exercises can bring temporary relief; trigger mitigation can bring long-term relief. | Which states do I have to deal with a lot and what triggers them? |
| Skills | Abilities, knowledge, and experiences acquired over life. | A mismatch between required and available skills can heighten stress. | Do I have the skills to manage my context, or would learning/delegating reduce the strain? |
| Biology | Innate physiological and neurological makeup. | Sensory sensitivities, sleep rhythms, or co‑occurring conditions can intensify fatigue. Even what I eat can influence my well-being. | Has my body any specific needs to regain energy? |
| Environment | The physical and social environment a person grew up in. | A chaotic household, lack of safety, or constant comparison may shape maladaptive coping stances. | Did the environment I grew up in shape the way I cope with my autism? |
| Experience | Personal life experiences that left lasting imprints. | Trauma, repeated reprimand for stimming, or exclusion may make authentic behaviour feel unsafe. | Which past experiences still shape how I react today? |
I won’t promise that you can change your life in all areas within a week. That’s unrealistic. However, answering the above questions will provide you with the intel about what drains you and what energises you which you need to build a short-term, mid-term, and long-term strategy. Don’t wait with the execution until you’ve figured it all out. When you have a first idea how you could tackle a certain energy-leak, try it out. If you can fix it, great; if not, also great because you learned what doesn’t work. Experiment and iterate.
Key Takeaways
- Autism is a neurodevelopmental spectrum characterised by differences in perception, communication, and behaviour, with a formal diagnosis made when traits significantly interfere with daily life.
- Typical problems include sensory overload, difficulties with unstructured social demands, misinterpretation of implicit expectations, and fatigue from masking or overcompensating.
- A needs‑aligned life can be designed using the 12 levers of the Human Diamond Framework.
- Every Human Diamond lever can contribute to drained energy for an autistic person, but the mix and intensity may differ. Each individual needs to explore which levers play the biggest role in their own case.
- By identifying where energy is drained, one can build short‑, mid‑, and long‑term strategies and iterate them for effectiveness.
Next Steps
I hope the above questions helped you build more awareness about where your energy gets drained in day‑to‑day life. You can either start adjusting these areas on your own or explore doing this work with me. Because I want to provide depth and quality in my mentoring, I keep my client base intentionally small. Each month I only open a few seats, and I work best with people who are ready to take action and committed to lasting change. If that resonates with you, you are welcome to book a free discovery call where we will discuss your situation and explore whether working together is a good fit.
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